WHEN CONVENIENCE FADES AND REALITY STRIKES…
As a kid, being raised in a close-knit Nigerian community meant constant gatherings filled with food, music, laughs, and endless rotations of randomly visiting an aunty or an uncle’s house.
Our parents crafted this world where we the children were always in each other’s company—not necessarily because we all clicked and asked for it, but because that’s how the community ran. We went to the same schools all the way into high school, we shared birthday parties, organization functions, and general babysitting/playdates. It took the whole village and then some. A rhythm in which we all got used to.
However as time passed and the structure of school and parental supervision faded, so did the ties that once bound us.
Slowly and surely, we drifted away from those circles. Conversations between one another turned less frequent, updates reduced to secondhand news coming from social media or our parents lol
"Did you hear so-and-so is getting married?" or "Did you know xyz is graduating PhD?! What were they studying again?"
It’s in those moments you start to wonder—were we really all friends, or were we just familiar/acquaintances?
Was it us? Or was it our parents..?
Looking back, many of those “kid connections” were less about enforcing deep bonds and more about the convenience of shared spaces. We didn’t always have common interests; we were all just there, together, because our parents got together. That made things easy. Not much to it. Suddenly we were all each other’s “cousin” but with what degree of closeness? (Don’t get me started on the effects that had on childhood crushes. A post for another day perhaps)
Then the era of growing up and growing apart began particularly by that university time. Branching out brought freedom—the freedom to choose your own circle based on actual shared values, passions, and experiences that built more genuine ties.
With that freedom came a realization that basically not every relationship is made to last. The aggressive transition from early adulthood to prime adulthood and that convenience fading for the kid connections now swapped for the connections we chose and effort becomes the buzzword.
When your parents start to ask, “Have you talked to so & so lately?” or “What have they been up to?” and it registers that you truly do not know… sure it feels odd. There’s a lingering guilt that comes with losing touch and not doing the work to reach out.
But that’s just how life goes. People get older, move in different directions. They blossom in career paths, start families, leave cities—even states, and form new communities of their own.
And the bitter/unfortunate truth rings out loud. We make time for the things and people we personally want.
Once perceived as thick as thieves and series regulars in nostalgic photo albums... time apart takes its toll. It doesn’t erase those shared memories the moments were real and will always be special. They were also only phases. Okay to acknowledge and let go. No bad blood just the natural course of life.
And maybe, in rare moments, paths will cross again—there will always be a wedding that reunites, a family gathering, or even unexpected passings at a random location—and there should be warmth in those encounters not judgement.
Life is going to be filled with shifting connections. Some friendships push through the tests of time, while others quietly fade. And that’s okay. Because growing apart happens… to the best of us. People evolve, find their own paths, and form bonds that reflect who they are individually in present day.
So, when parents ask about childhood friends, it’s alright to not know. It’s enough to just smile and say, “I’m not sure, but I hope they’re doing well.”
